i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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