I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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