The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
