babies were throwing up all over the place
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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