i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Enjoy the penises
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
