hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
