i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
