Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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