I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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