I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
