I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
