I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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