I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
