these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
