I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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