Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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