Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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