so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
