Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's never too late to be topless.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
