Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
