We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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