I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
