meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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