I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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