There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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