It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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