I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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