Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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