He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
