Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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