I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
