I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
