I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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