apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
