a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
