just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
