I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
