be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
