I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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