Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Text me some of your sweat
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
