She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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