I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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