Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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