So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
