Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
