i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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