she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
