Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize