winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
