So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
