Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
