I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
