Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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