Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
