it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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