I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
