Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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