i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize