So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize