We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
