i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
