Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
