Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
