I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize