The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
