i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
