i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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