I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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