I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
