You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize