Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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