I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Never joke about your clitoris.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
