There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
