What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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