Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I still have a little drunk in my system
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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