How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
