"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
