Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
