addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
