Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
