I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize