If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
