Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
