That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
