The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
