i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
