Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
