Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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