is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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