Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
