Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
