Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
