You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
