I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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