wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize